I Drive a Dodge Stratus

It’s Tax time, bitches

stratusphere — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 22:57:12 +0000

It seems like lately I enjoy blogging from random places while I’m waiting for something. This time it’s taxes. I also seem to be stealing internet from somewhere. Today’s post is sponsored by “Hair by Maria” This year with the sale of the townhouse it was too complicated to do them myself as I always have. Looks like H&R Block will be getting a portion of my refund.
Apparently the month of February is also teeth month for by the end of this month I’ll have gotten 3 cavities filled, 2 teeth sealed and 4 wisdom teeth yanked. Today was 2 of the cavities and 1 seal. I didn’t cry even. I tried I eat a burrito afterwards though and was less than successful.
Tomorrow I leave for sacramento or work till Sunday. Let’s hope for temps above zero.

Waiting for the cable guy…

stratusphere — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 14:23:26 +0000

It’s ten after 8 (in the a.m.) and I’m waiting for the cable guy. Brett and I finally decided to join the rest of America and get a Dish with DVR. That doesn’t mean, however, that we’re getting rid of our 400lb 27″ TV though. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, ladies and germs. It’s also -11degrees here this morning so that should be nice for the DishNetwork guy…or girl. Is it gay of me that I’m already wondering what I’ll have to offer him as far as beverages and/or snacks while he’s here? Should I smurf up some chocolate chip cookies in Estelle (see below)?

I’m baaaack!!

stratusphere — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:54:43 +0000

As I sit here I am sad at how long it’s been since my last post. I hate when people make excuses about how busy they are and blah blah blah. There have been many changes, however. First of all, Brett and sold the townhouse as we are both looking to go back to school in the next year or so. We’ve rented a cute little 2 bedroom in South Minneapolis. If you’re familiar with the ghetto lake street k-mart then you know about where we’re at. It’s got a lot of…culture. We add a bit of paleness to the hood there and are proud that we can offer the neighbors something to point at. More pics and stories about the apartment in future installments (promise!).
This brings me to the location from which I’m posting…the laundro-fucking-mat. WHAT?! I’ll be completely honest — this is my first time at a laundromat. Okay except for the time I puked all over my Getalong Gang comforter when I was like 6. This is nuts. I actually googled the area laundromats and read reviews and checked if any of them had wi-fi. How’s that for WHITE neighbors?! I found what looked like a nice place on Lake and Chicago. After getting 2 blocks away and realizing that I’d forgotten the laundry detergent I was on my way. No wi-fi but thanks to some troubled youth nonprofit I’m online bitches. Thank you iPod touch. There’s a nice lady working here that walked me through everyhing. There are a bazillion machines all of different sizes and extractors to speed drying time. There’s even a machine that fits 125lbs of fucking clothes. This is a whole new world, folks.
It’s good to be back.

And if I wasn’t pissed off already…

stratusphere — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 18:15:01 +0000

Listen to some of this garbage! I’m not a violent person, but part (okay, ALL) of me wants to punch these people in the neck. Except for the bitch with the crooked teeth. I want to punch her in the teeth.

It’s not surprising…

stratusphere — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:07:23 +0000

…but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t piss me off. I can’t tell you how excited I am the Obama will be our next President. However, as with many, I am disappointed at the huge steps backward that we’ve taken in the way of gay rights. I was recently reading an article on how 7 out of 10 African Americans who went to the polls voted yes on Proposition 8; meaning they voted to take away the rights of gay couples in California to marry. Don’t worry about it guys…only 18,000 couples in the past 6 months have gotten married there. Only 36,000 people finally had the opportunity to do what you naturally have a right to do.

What’s better? This is a shocker, folks. Religion played a large part in how they voted. As with most religious douchebags, they aren’t able to form thoughts on their own and their religious handbook guided them on how they should vote. And if they couldn’t find it in the index, their religious leaders were right there to help.

“I think it’s mainly because of the way we were brought up in the church; we don’t agree with it,” said Jasmine Jones, 25, who is black. “I’m not really the type that I wanted to stop people’s rights. But I still have my beliefs, and if I can vote my beliefs that’s what I’m going to do.

“God doesn’t approve it, so I don’t approve it. And I approve of Him.”

The outlier of the proposition was African Americans. Many are churchgoing; many had ministers tell them to vote.”

Jesus Christ. Let’s think back to your history and your struggle. Anything familiar? Marriage is such a srong fundamental in your culture, isn’t it?!

Next time they close their eyes and raise their hands to worship, I hope there’s a ceiling fan.

Weekly hot celebrity

stratusphere — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 03:24:03 +0000

Ladies and gentlemen…I give you Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears. Jesus Christ.

FUPA Friday!

stratusphere — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:14:29 +0000

This could damn near be “Meat Skirt Monday.” Shit! And check the neck(s)! Looks like she just got hur nails did, too!

Weekly hot celebrity

stratusphere — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 04:20:37 +0000

Sure he hasn’t really done anything since my freshman year in college…and some may argue that he’s not really a celebrity…but I still think he’s hot as fuck. Ladies and gentlemen: Shawn Fanning (founder of Napster).

Seriously?! Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t tap that shit!!

My first link!!

stratusphere — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:37:05 +0000

So when I started this blog, I dreamed of being linked to from all sorts of other bloggers’ sites. I have been checking every single day for the first link to my blog. Well it finally happened, folks! Here it is…and I’m dead serious. Apparently my “Hey, Bitch!” post about the McFaker skank was tagged as a related blog to this neat site. Definitely NOT safe for work! Yowza!

Hey, bitch!

stratusphere — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:42:57 +0000

Next time you pretend you were beaten by an Obama supporter by carving a “B” in your face, you might want to remember that everything in a mirror is backwards… Dumb bitch…